My Backstory

My childhood home consisted of my mother (Peppi Louise Musser) and my older sister Beth. There were no grandparents or any other biological relatives in my life. There was also no father, but that is a subject for another post. All I knew was that something bad happened to my mom in her past, and that she did not want to talk about it.

I always wondered if there was anyone else out there–perhaps a grandma or grandpa who might like to know I existed, or an aunt or uncle that might want to spoil me, or some cousins I could hang out and have fun with. Most of my friends had their grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins in their lives, and I felt cruelly excluded from that club. It was sad and lonely sometimes. Not to mention the abandonment issues. I’ll throw in my best childhood “sad-eyes” picture here, so you will all be appropriately moved. 😉

One thing my mother did mention was that we were related to Carl Laemmle. She told me he was the founder of Universal Studios and a very important person to the film industry. We even had some old books and movies with his name in them. Unfortunately, there was no one to explain what happened to the rest of my Laemmle family. Carl Laemmle died in 1939, and I wanted to know if there were any other Laemmle’s out there.

Believe me, I tried every method I knew to search for them. I remember from a very young age spending hours looking through the telephone book, but there were exactly zero Laemmle’s in Pacific, Missouri, where I grew up. As I got older, I learned to use the library, and I would search through the card catalog for names. I know, I’m dating myself. But, I was a master of the Dewey Decimal System! And, I did find information about Carl Laemmle ,but unfortunately nothing much about his family.

In the nineties when I got my first home computer, searching for relatives was my favorite hobby. I even had a couple of major breakthroughs:

• Around 1996, while searching for my mom’s cousin Carole Laemmle Bergerman (someone she had mentioned periodically and I took note!), I found Carole’s father’s name– Stanley Bergerman Sr. I got his phone number online and called him. We had a nice conversation, however, he was battling cancer, and it was hard for him to speak. I’m not sure I was able to articulate clearly who I was, but he seemed delighted I called. It was an amazing experience to get to connect with him and hear his voice before he passed away!
• A few years later, I discovered there were “Laemmle Theaters” in California, I promptly called one of them and asked who was in charge. Amazingly, I was connected with Bob Laemmle, who confirmed that we were, in fact, related through Carl Laemmle. Bob was incredibly kind to me and told me to come visit if I was ever in California. Unfortunately, at the time, I thought going to California was the equivalent of going to the moon–I had only crossed over the Missouri state line a few times, and California was a half a country away! Still, I am kicking myself for not finding a way to make that happen–I might have met my cousins Greg and Tish Laemmle sooner!

Interesting Subplot Development

I had no IDEA that during about the same time period when I was searching for my family, my cousin Rosemary Laemmle Hilb was searching for my mother! In 1990, Rosemary learned about my mother’s existence from her grandmother, Peppi Heller Laemmle, who was dying and felt it was time to share the tragic family history. Every family has a skeleton or two in the closet, right?

Rosemary’s grandmother Peppi explained that she had a namesake–her sister Frieda’s grandchild–little Peppi Louise Musser. She had lost track of little Peppi decades ago, due to unfortunate circumstances, which she couldn’t fully describe because she was losing her ability to speak. She asked Rosemary to do whatever possible to try and find little Peppi–who would now be in her early forties. Not long after this conversation, Peppi Heller Laemmle passed away at age 93.

Rosemary reached out to her cousin, Rolf Weglein, to ask if he knew what might have happened to little Peppi. Rolf mentioned that Peppi had stayed with them for a time when she was a teenager in the early 1960’s, but he hadn’t heard from her since she disappeared around 1965. He encouraged Rosemary to speak with her Aunt Carla Laemmle about it.

Rosemary was shocked when Rolf said that because at the time, she didn’t know she had an Aunt Carla! I guess this is something else that Rosemary’s grandma Peppi had not mentioned!

Rosemary met her aunt Carla for the first time in the early 1990s, when Carla was already in her 80s! Carla lived to be 104 years old, so they got to share more than 20 years of love and family-friendship–which makes my heart SO happy!

But unfortunately, Carla also did not know what happened to little Peppi. Carla expressed concern that maybe–based on the tragic circumstances in her life, she had committed suicide. She even penned those concerns in her book: Among the Rugged Peaks: An Intimate Biography of Carla Laemmle.

Rosemary hired a private investigator to help with the search. From that, she was given a list of all the women in the United States named Peppi–28 of them–and she called every single one. Unfortunately, none of them were the Peppi she was looking for.

The Big Discovery – 2009

I remember the story so well because I have repeated it so many times. I had the day off from work and was relaxing by the pool in our back yard– waiting for the kids to get home from school. I heard the bus pull up, and soon my daughter Alyssa came running across the back yard towards me.

She had a school assignment in her hand–a family tree to fill out and discuss in class the next day. “Parent Homework” is what I used to call it.

It was a one-pager with two columns–one for each parent’s lineage. I remember how I felt when I looked at it–like all the blood rushed to my head and I could barely breathe. This was a dreaded moment for me because I didn’t even know the names of my own grandparents.

I also just want to take this opportunity to sit on my soapbox and declare that family tree assignments are SO unfair and cruel for the orphaned and fatherless and those of us who don’t know our family history. But, because of the way it all worked out for us this one time, I guess I’ll let it slide. ;).

My mom (who is little Peppi by the way in case you didn’t know) still lived with us at the time, so I told Alyssa to go talk to her about it. (My mom never wanted to talk to me about her family, but I thought maybe she’d talk to her granddaughter.) My mother contributed her mother’s name: Eleanor Laemmle Musser, and said she could not remember much else. And, she didn’t want to talk more about it.

I told Alyssa about my family search through the decades, and about the few things I had learned. I told her about Carl Laemmle, the famous movie mogul, and how I was never able to find more of our Laemmle family.

It sparked Alyssa’s curiosity so much, though, that she wanted to search the internet again for “any living relatives of Carl Laemmle.” This was something I hadn’t done for many years, so it gave me a renewed thrill to be back on the hunt!

We found Carl’s IMDB page, and saw one very interesting entry that said, “…great great uncle of actress Antonia Carlotta.”

We realized at that moment that maybe we had actually found a LIVING Laemmle relative! What happened next was the big breakthrough, and it was all because my 9 year old daughter Alyssa had the brilliant idea to send Antonia a friend request from my Facebook account.

Within a few minutes of our message, Antonia replied in private: “Hey you requested to be my friend–do I know you? Sorry if we’ve met and I just forgot!”

And, of course, I’ve saved the message thread on Facebook for all these years–and I will keep it forever if possible!

I learned from that conversation that Antonia is Rosemary’s daughter–yes, the same Rosemary that had been searching for my mom for nearly 20 years! Her grandmother Peppi would have been so proud! Little Peppi was right there in my living room!

My mother even got involved in the conversation with Antonia. I remember her saying, “I had a cousin Carlotta Laemmle….I wonder if that’s where Antonia got her last name Carlotta!” (In fact it was.)

It is difficult to explain the overwhelming joy and excitement that washed over me the moment I realized I had found a family member–and that there were more of us out there. It was like a huge missing puzzle piece of my life had finally been put into place and I was complete. And, when I learned that Antonia’s mother Rosemary had been looking for my mom, that made me feel a sort of “special” feeling that I don’t think I had ever felt before. Like I was actually part of something–a history–an ancestry–a real, blood, family. I was wanted and significant and I was not alone any more.

I finally got to meet some of my Laemmle family face-to-face for the first time two months later at the 100th birthday celebration of our beloved aunt/cousin Carla Laemmle, who gave a lovely speech welcoming the long-lost Peppi Louise Musser back into the family.

Funny thing I’ll mention about this photo–the man in glasses in the front row is NOT a Laemmle family member. In fact, I did not know WHO he was. But, when I asked the photographer to please ask him to step out of our family photo, I was told, “Ma’am, most people would love to have their picture taken with Ray Bradbury.” So, I let him stay.

Shortly thereafter, Rosemary organized a family reunion in her home, where I got to meet even more of my Laemmle family! Since then, I have gotten to know dozens more loved ones-and I cannot adequately express how happy and whole that makes me feel.

Little Peppi’s Backstory

In the summer of 1961, Frieda Heller Laemmle passed away at 79 years old. Little Peppi was 14. She had been living alone with her grandmother Frieda in Los Angeles for several years at this point, after her grandfather Louis Laemmle passed away in 1956. She lived with her grandparents because her mother Eleanor Laemmle struggled with mental illness, and was committed to Camarillo State Mental Hospital, where she received electroconvulsive shock treatments (ECT) for diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia.

Frieda’s sister Peppi Heller Laemmle considered taking little Peppi to live with her, but she had recently moved to Colorado with her daughter Carlotta to care for her two granddaughters, Heidi and Rosemary. And, little Peppi needed to be nearby where her mother Eleanor was hospitalized in Los Angeles.

Little Peppi’s cousin Carole Laemmle Bergerman had the idea to place little Peppi in a Jewish orphanage for girls, with the offer that she would take her out and care for her on most weekends. And so, at 14 years old, Little Peppi moved in to Vista del Mar in Los Angeles.

Little Peppi spent her remaining teenage years at Vista. Once a week, she took the bus to the mental hospital to visit her mother Eleanor. Most of the time, her mother did not recognize her and screamed at her to leave. On weekends, Carole picked her up and found a place for her to hang out, often at Carl Laemmle Jr.’s house (Junior was bed-ridden at the time with multiple-sclerosis).

Vista del Mar was not a happy place for little Peppi. She felt abandoned by her family. The food was “terrible,” and she had to work hard and do jobs to earn her keep. She did not feel safe there because on several occasions the boys from the orphanage nearby would sneak over in the night and sexually harass the girls. Little Peppi ran away several times, but was always captured and returned.

When she turned 18 and graduated high school, she transitioned to a halfway house (a boarding home for employed Jewish girls) nearby called the “Hamburger House.” She got a job as a switchboard operator at Southwestern Bell Telephone company. She met a man more than twice her age named Bill Carlin, and he proposed they hop in his car and, “Get the hell out of Dodge,” as the saying goes. And, that’s what she did.

Little Peppi left California in 1965 without saying goodbye to anyone– and she never looked back. Over the next 12 years, she and Bill lived for a time in Kansas, then New York, then Indiana, then Missouri.

Missouri is the place where the car broke down, so we stayed. Shortly thereafter, my father was institutionalized (I was a baby) and I never saw him again. I lived in the same small town (Pacific, Missouri) from when I was a baby until I had two kids of my own. My mother lived in our home and helped care for her two grandchildren–just like her great Aunt Peppi had done. Interesting coincidence for the two Peppis!

It was more than 45 years until my mother ever set foot in Los Angeles again. And believe me, a lot had changed.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this post as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it.

Before I close, I should mention that I was surprised to learn one more fun fact from my new family–I’m Jewish! But, I guess we can talk about that another time.

XOXO,

Joanna

In Loving Memory of the grandparents I never knew:

• My great grandfather Louis Laemmle (1870-1956)
• My great grandmother Frieda Heller Laemmle (1882-1961)
• My grandmother Eleanor Laemmle (1915-1978)

P.S.

I’ve made a lot of progress on my family tree–at least one branch! See my chart below.

Here’s a little explanation first: In Laupheim Germany in the late 1800s, my great-great grandparents, Judas Baruch and Rebekka Laemmle, had 13 children. Sadly, 7 of them lost their lives in childhood when a devastating outbreak of the Scarlet Fever epidemic swept through their town. The 5 remaining siblings were Louis, Karoline, Karl (Carl), Sigfried, and Joseph. Louis was my great grandfather.

This post is dedicated to all the Laemmle Family Members who I have gotten to know and love through the years, you know who you are.

A special thanks to Rosemary Laemmle Hilb for welcoming me into the family, introducing me to so many wonderful relatives, and sharing the story of her grandmother Peppi Heller Laemmle. And to Antonia Carlotta for accepting my friend request. I love you both so much and I am so lucky to have you in my life.

And to all of my “Laemmle Faemmle” who (like me) do not happen to have the name “Laemmle”: Bernheim, Blum, Bolton, Carlotta, Fleischman, Hance, Heinemann, Heller, Hilb, Pike, Pink, Steinberg, Stern, Tartabull, Weglein, Williamson, and so many more–I am deeply thankful for and love you all.

Please, let us stay connected so that our children and grandchildren may have the privilege of knowing one another.

And to all my readers, regardless of who you are and where you come from, I am very thankful for you, too!

Let us all keep discovering the things we don’t know!

Joanna